Unhappy Monday, fuckers. I've been busy lately, but I have some time for a review today. You're welcome. It's time to take a look-see at April Fools Day. "But Dicksss, isn't april fools day tomorrow?" Yea, I'm aware of that fuckstick, but if I tried to write a review of april fools day tomorrow, everyone would think it was a ruse. Speaking of ruses, what the hell is april fools day, and why do we celebrate it? Those are great questions, but to be honest, you'd be better served asking those questions about Arbor day (woooooo trees?)
History and Origins
So, April fools day is a day for people like me. "People like you? So pompous, retarded Floridian cunts?" Yes and no. AFD is for the rusemasters of the whirl. While not a national holiday (who the fuck knows why not), AFD is celebrated every year on the first day in April and is not specific just to Murrica. Other countries celebrate AFD as well. Anyway, it's a day in which you can play practical jokes and hoax others just so you can yell "APRIL FOOLS!" right in their stupid, fat face. Anything goes on AFD as long as you say "APRIL FOOLS!" immediately after your target falls for your ruse. That's right, that prank where you made it look like you were having sex with your bros bitch which caused him to flip out and kill himself? It's all good because you yelled "APRIL FOOLS!" in his lifeless face (while you're waiting for the police to arrive, see if his bitch is open for a quickie). So anyway, where does AFD come from exactly?
As many #based things, AFD can be traced back to the ancient Romans. The precursor to what we have come to know as AFD was the Roman festival of Hilaria, which was a day of epic lelz XD to celebrate some cunt named Cybele. This was held on March 25th annually. In medieval Spain, on December 28th, the Mexicans celebrated the "Feast of Fools" which, like the festival of Hilaria, are the OG AFD's. For a majority of the middle ages in most Yuroland countries, New Years Day was on March 25th and was a week long celebration ending on April 1st. Thankfully, someone pointed out the obvious and asked why the fuck New Years Day wasn't on January 1st or at least the 1st day of a month, and it was changed. Anyway, once this changed, those who celebrated the new year on January 1st, pointed and laughed at those who were still celebrating the new year on April 1st, so the French decided that April 1st should be a day just for that. That's right, for the first and probably the last time in history, the French were laughing at others instead of the other way around. Eventually, the holiday would make its way to Murrica and we all just ruse the shit out of each other. Who cares about the new year?
AFD Customs
Given that AD is celebrated in a lot of different countries, each one has it's own unique way to celebrate the day of the rusemaster. This calls for a list.
- In Britbongland, pranks and ruses are much like they are here in Murrica. You prank someone and yell "April Fools" at them because for some reason, you need to let everyone know your friend is a stupid retard. However, the Brits only do this before noon on April 1st. Apparently, if you pull a prank after noon, you are the April fool, thus proving that the Britbongs have a terrible sense of humor.
- In Scotland, AFD is traditionally called "Hunt the Gowk Day". "Gowk? What they hell is a gowk, Dicksss?" You're a fucking gowk, you faggot. A gowk is the recipient of a letter that someone sends that reads "Dinna laugh, dinna smile, hunt the gowk another mile." Even though I have no fucking idea what "dinna" is (other than the nigs pronunciation of dinner) I can guess that you send someone what is supposed to be an important letter, but that is what they read. WHAT AN EPIK RUZE :DDDDDDDD.
- In Iran, yes Iran, they have celebrated an AFD type of holiday dating back to 536 BC. While many think this is the true origin of what we have come to know as AFD, no one wants to give the Iranians credit because they are a bunch of towel-headed dirty terrorists.
- In Poland, AFD is celebrated by regular citizens, the media and even government members and these ruses are quite light in nature. I guess it's a way to let the people know that even the Polskis can have fun too. The greatest AFD joke ever played in Poland was when Hitler decided to rek Poland and take it over in 1939. "But Dicksss, didn't that happen in the fall?" Why yes it did, smartass. This was considered an AFD prank because all the Germans could be heard yelling "APRIL FOOLS DAY!" as they were destroying people and buildings in their tanks.
- Lastly, in Italy, France, Belgium, Switzerland and Murrica's hat, there is an April 1st tradition called "April fish" in which you try to tape a paper fish to the back of your "victim" without them noticing. I have no idea why they do this, but wouldn't a "kick me" or an "insert penis here" sign with an arrow pointing down be a lot better? I don't understand Yuro humor.
Final Verdict
AFD is a pretty cool guy. It's kind of neat to have a holiday that pretty much everyone can celebrate, regardless of religion or race. Whether you are the rusemaster or the butt of the joke, try and enjoy AFD tomorrow. I give AFD a 9/10.
Also, fuck off Steve. I saw you loosening the screws on my chair as I was leaving work today. I'm not falling for that shit tomorrow. Come up with something better.
History and Origins
So, April fools day is a day for people like me. "People like you? So pompous, retarded Floridian cunts?" Yes and no. AFD is for the rusemasters of the whirl. While not a national holiday (who the fuck knows why not), AFD is celebrated every year on the first day in April and is not specific just to Murrica. Other countries celebrate AFD as well. Anyway, it's a day in which you can play practical jokes and hoax others just so you can yell "APRIL FOOLS!" right in their stupid, fat face. Anything goes on AFD as long as you say "APRIL FOOLS!" immediately after your target falls for your ruse. That's right, that prank where you made it look like you were having sex with your bros bitch which caused him to flip out and kill himself? It's all good because you yelled "APRIL FOOLS!" in his lifeless face (while you're waiting for the police to arrive, see if his bitch is open for a quickie). So anyway, where does AFD come from exactly?
As many #based things, AFD can be traced back to the ancient Romans. The precursor to what we have come to know as AFD was the Roman festival of Hilaria, which was a day of epic lelz XD to celebrate some cunt named Cybele. This was held on March 25th annually. In medieval Spain, on December 28th, the Mexicans celebrated the "Feast of Fools" which, like the festival of Hilaria, are the OG AFD's. For a majority of the middle ages in most Yuroland countries, New Years Day was on March 25th and was a week long celebration ending on April 1st. Thankfully, someone pointed out the obvious and asked why the fuck New Years Day wasn't on January 1st or at least the 1st day of a month, and it was changed. Anyway, once this changed, those who celebrated the new year on January 1st, pointed and laughed at those who were still celebrating the new year on April 1st, so the French decided that April 1st should be a day just for that. That's right, for the first and probably the last time in history, the French were laughing at others instead of the other way around. Eventually, the holiday would make its way to Murrica and we all just ruse the shit out of each other. Who cares about the new year?
AFD Customs
Given that AD is celebrated in a lot of different countries, each one has it's own unique way to celebrate the day of the rusemaster. This calls for a list.
- In Britbongland, pranks and ruses are much like they are here in Murrica. You prank someone and yell "April Fools" at them because for some reason, you need to let everyone know your friend is a stupid retard. However, the Brits only do this before noon on April 1st. Apparently, if you pull a prank after noon, you are the April fool, thus proving that the Britbongs have a terrible sense of humor.
- In Scotland, AFD is traditionally called "Hunt the Gowk Day". "Gowk? What they hell is a gowk, Dicksss?" You're a fucking gowk, you faggot. A gowk is the recipient of a letter that someone sends that reads "Dinna laugh, dinna smile, hunt the gowk another mile." Even though I have no fucking idea what "dinna" is (other than the nigs pronunciation of dinner) I can guess that you send someone what is supposed to be an important letter, but that is what they read. WHAT AN EPIK RUZE :DDDDDDDD.
- In Iran, yes Iran, they have celebrated an AFD type of holiday dating back to 536 BC. While many think this is the true origin of what we have come to know as AFD, no one wants to give the Iranians credit because they are a bunch of towel-headed dirty terrorists.
- In Poland, AFD is celebrated by regular citizens, the media and even government members and these ruses are quite light in nature. I guess it's a way to let the people know that even the Polskis can have fun too. The greatest AFD joke ever played in Poland was when Hitler decided to rek Poland and take it over in 1939. "But Dicksss, didn't that happen in the fall?" Why yes it did, smartass. This was considered an AFD prank because all the Germans could be heard yelling "APRIL FOOLS DAY!" as they were destroying people and buildings in their tanks.
- Lastly, in Italy, France, Belgium, Switzerland and Murrica's hat, there is an April 1st tradition called "April fish" in which you try to tape a paper fish to the back of your "victim" without them noticing. I have no idea why they do this, but wouldn't a "kick me" or an "insert penis here" sign with an arrow pointing down be a lot better? I don't understand Yuro humor.
Final Verdict
AFD is a pretty cool guy. It's kind of neat to have a holiday that pretty much everyone can celebrate, regardless of religion or race. Whether you are the rusemaster or the butt of the joke, try and enjoy AFD tomorrow. I give AFD a 9/10.
Also, fuck off Steve. I saw you loosening the screws on my chair as I was leaving work today. I'm not falling for that shit tomorrow. Come up with something better.